Broken

After such an excellent moment yesterday that lead to a good post. I'm sorry to upset those with this "down" post.

First off, I arrived home to find that my deductible I met last year was not credited to the change over in insurance in October. Meaning anything I had performed after the change over is not covered. Not too happy about that.....considering I already know I will owe over $150 presently, and that's without another test that I'm still waiting for the bill. (sigh)

Then we got a large envelope from Veterans Affairs. For those that don't know David has been suffering from a multitude of problems from during and after his military experience. Too many to list here. Not to mention, some of them quite personal. Back when he got out of the Marine Corps he filed for disability. Surprisingly he rated for a small amount. However, we weren't just happy for the disability rating, but more importantly that he had service connected coverage (if it's service connected you can go to the VA for treatment and it's covered.) As time goes on some of his problems that were supposedly "diagnosed" (with no successful treatments) have gotten worse. One of them being consistent non-stop pain. It wasn't until he self-diagnosed himself with fibromyalgia, with multiple doctors confirming the diagnosis, that he has had some "relief." Most of the relief has come from knowing what he has. Unfortunately the physical relief hasn't been much. As with endometriosis there is no cure for fibromyalgia. You just hope to keep it at bay with medications. After being diagnosed, determining that the military misdiagnosed/undiagnosed him, and having the conditions worsen, he decided that it was time to seek some form of disability through the VA. Not necessarily monetary, but at least service connected. While seeking further disability he had multiple other problems addressed during the process. After going through the process and hearing multiple legal people and doctors say that he should have rated for a higher disability long ago (in other words, "it's in the bag."), I must admit it was hard not to get our hopes up. We tried to keep ourselves in check. Fast forward 5 months later......

You know that VA envelope that we received today? Yes, that was the decision in regards to David's disability. And guess what it said. No further service connection disability granted. I read the 8 pages or so thoroughly. I couldn't keep my head from shaking in disbelief. Once again, it was hard not to be hopeful, but we couldn't believe it. Not only could I not believe no further service connection was granted, but as I read their reasons why they chose not to.....For instance, it was stated to the effect of, "Since fibromyalgia wasn't brought up until 2009 this is not service connected." Are you kidding me? True, the word Fibromyalgia was not mentioned prior to 2009, because it was never diagnosed as such. But look at his medical history. Everything aligns back then, to his symptoms now. The list goes on, all in the same sense.

So, where does that leave us? We can appeal. We will appeal. Thankfully we have some connections that should be able to help us. In addition, we have copies of 90% of David's medical history from the military. Once again, it'd be excellent to get monetary disability, but mostly what we're looking for is service connection.

The military broke my husband. In more ways than one. Most people, even the ones we know, have no idea what he went through while he was serving. And although him and I talk about everything I wouldn't be surprised if there are stories that I haven't heard. From the outside no one would know his history or what he's presently going through. He's a genuine nice guy that goes about his business day to day.

Some may think I'm mad. No. I'm sad. I'm not looking for a pity party. But sometimes I must admit, it's hard to face certain things. Here we are at 26 and 28, both with multiple health problems that most people never deal with, or will only deal with when they are older. I shake my head, but hey, those are the cards we've been dealt.

Take That Endo

I'll be honest. My running habits suck. I haven't run in about 2 months. Probably more. I've been trying to maintain some "athleticism" using the 'rents stationary bike (thanks mom and dad) several times a week. But you know that's nothing compared to a daily run. A couple years ago I ran through the winter months. I'd bundle up and go. Last year I chickened out and used the high school fitness center (thankful for an indoor option). I don't know what happened this year. Actual, I do know what happened. Endometriosis. I know it's not all the endometriosis....it's also mental. And somehow I just haven't had that mental drive to bust through the barriers I've unfortunately set for myself.

Running isn't what it used to be for me. I wish it was. At the same time I'm glad it's not. Such mixed feelings on the subject. I want to run. I want to run another half marathon. I don't know if I will, but I'm keeping my options open. I'd like to think if I had a "race" to train for it'd be fire under my butt to get out.

With all that being said....guess what?! I took a run outside today. I was about to get ready to head over to the 'rents to ride the bike and something in me said, "Go outside and run." I'll admit I took a second and said to myself, "Are you crazy? It's still cold outside." The the other half said, "Do it." At that moment I thought, "I better go before I talk myself out of it." And so I bundled myself up and took a run outside. I didn't go very far, but I did it. I didn't know how it'd be after taking such a long break from running. I thought I'd go back to square one. Well, it wasn't square one, but it was rough. Let's just say, lots of snot, lots of spit, and the challenge of fighting back the thoughts of "Why the hell am I doing this," or "Just stop running," and replacing them with, "Yes! I'm actually running! I'm so proud of myself."

As said before, my running has not only been limited by my mental thoughts, but also physically. My guess is I'm not out of my running funk. Who knows, it may be another 2 months before my next run.....depending on my mental strength and endometriosis flare ups. But today, in this moment, I'm going to take this run as a personal triumph, as I say, "Take that Endo!"

Happy Birthday Dad!

I was glad that today was dad's birthday and I was able to spend most of the day with him. For lunch we went to Mr. Smith's. There was talk on Facebook about him wanting a fire truck on his 5th birthday, but receiving a sister, Val, instead. So for his birthday he received a fire truck.....
Later I went over to the 'rents for dinner. Afterwards we sang Happy Birthday to dad and ate the german chocolate cake I made.

Although Sloopy couldn't have the chocolate cake, he appreciated licking the frosting container. We tied his ears back to keep him clean.All in all I think it was a great day for dad. Dad, I love you and Happy Birthday!

Who Says We Don't Have Kids?

Back when we were first married we were able to sleep in until whatever time we wanted. Even after we added Viking to the mix he never woke us up early to go potty (thanks to litter box training) or to eat (must not have been a hungry fellow). Adding more animals to the family didn't seem to change things much, until we added Lily. Lily's issues with IBD lead us to puppy proof our house. Not from her chewing things up, but from making unexpected messes she could control. In order to let her sleep by us we purchased a Pack and Play. We'd wake up in the middle of the night to clean up any messes for our sake and hers. I even went through a year of making her own homemade food. Cooking, measuring, packing, and freezing. As everyone knows, she has gotten 99.9% better. She'll sleep with us here and there, but tends to stay downstairs now.

After adding Spencer to the mix, our lifestyle once again changed. He has a set time for meds, eating, and going outside to go potty. And trust me, if you are off of his schedule, he'll let you know. Needless to say, his schedule is an early one. He'll let you know by pacing in the bedroom and sticking his wet cold nose in your face. In addition, Lily has taken to his schedule and oftentimes takes it upon herself to let us know what time it is if Spencer decides to slack off. Her method of wake up? Standing at the bottom of the steps barking until you wake up. Most times the cats join in too....meowing outside the bedroom door. It makes almost no difference if you go to bed early or later, they'll wake up between 6 or 7 am (if you're lucky).

For instance, we stayed up until midnight last night. Sure enough, 6am rolls around and they are wound up and ready to go. Time for potty and to eat! I'm thankful that most nights we can make it through the night without a wake up from them now. I'm also thankful that we've figured out some sort of schedule for the weekends. David and I flip back and forth as to who gets up, feeds them, lets Spencer go outside, and then head back to bed.

Add onto the early morning wake ups and schedules, the constant cleaning (putting toys away, vacuuming hair, washing bedding, washing bowls.......), having 2 crib mattresses in our house (Spencer's beds), and their afternoon naps (as we speak)......who says we don't have kids?

Disclaimer: We know full well that animals aren't' kids and understand that people see their pets/animals different than we see ours. However, in our eyes, we see our pets as our kids. We know that many people cannot identify with the bond that we have with our pets. In addition, in no way am I complaining about the lifestyle we've made for ourselves by adding our pets. We wouldn't change it for the world.