Choices And Decisions

A goal I had for this year, along with an item I have on my D.R.E.A.M. list, was to run a marathon. Over the past month and a half I've been researching our options. Debating the best location, time of the year, expected weather, etc. David cannot run during the cold months due to his poor circulation. No joke. It's impossible. Basically what it came down to was a fall marathon in hopes of having a successful summer training season. We have it narrowed now to the Marine Corps Marathon, run in Washington DC, in October. I was excited. It gave me that drive that I needed to get through the last month. However, we couldn't register given that open registration doesn't begin until April 1st. Entrant space fills up immediately, so if this is something we want to do, we have to hop on it.

As April 1st comes closer and closer I'm having doubts about the idea of running that marathon. Those doubts don't come from actually thinking I can do it or not wanting to do it. It's the oddest feeling. I guess what it comes down to it, I think to myself, "Why do I need all of the bells and whistles of an official marathon?" I can't help but want it, but I don't need it. However, I do need running.

Unfortunately this winter has been a bear on my running energy. I want to run, but at the same time, I don't. It's a constant battle in my head. Of course running has always been a love/hate relationship with me, but as this winter goes on, it's getting harder and harder. I can only guess that this negativity comes from staring at a white cinder block wall. I'm thankful that I have the option to run on a 'mill, but in the end it seems to kill me. In addition, after running outside last week I realized even with my minimum 3 times a week 3 miles on the 'mill, there are certain muscles that are out of shape. I remember absolutely hating the 'mill at first, thinking it was so hard. I must have adjusted and now running outside is going to be a challenge again.

At the same time I just want to have the WANT to run. I know it feels great afterwards, but for some reason it's hard for me to remember that before the run. During the past 2 years I was wondering when my "running spirit" would cease....the beginners high lasted a lot longer than I expected. The thing is, I know deep down I still love it and want it. Not to mention I know it wasn't just a fad and it will be part of the rest of my life. I'm just trying to get back that spirit I once had.

Training for a marathon would put fire under my ass to get out there and run. I also know with better weather around the corner, I'll be able to get out and do my thing. I'm hoping that will lift my spirits. So where does that leave me? I'm not 100% sure. But this is what I've come up with so far....fun runs. No, I'm not talking about officially organized fun runs. I'm talking about, I, Heidi, will find a place to go run, map it out, and go on an adventure. Of course I can't do this daily, but maybe if I make it a once a week thing, my spirit will rise. Just an idea, but it's worth a try. As for the marathon.....I'm not committing one way or the other as to whether the Marine Corps Marathon is a go. I'm leaning toward the NO go side, but I'll know April 1st. If it is a no go, I do have an idea waiting in the wings. My marathon dream will not die, it will have a twist. Stay tuned.....