Dance, Even If You Have Nowhere To Do It But In Your Own Living Room

Dancing is a release for me. I've been known to turn music on and dance around the house on a nightly basis....even if I'm alone. (Although our pets make excellent dance partners) I've also been known to watch choreographed dances online and teach myself the steps. (Gotta love YouTube) And you know if there's dancing going on, I'll be there......Even if it's after a 5K run:While on our cruise last year one of the activities coordinators knew me as the "Dancing Queen." I'm guessing that because I joined in every dance activity I could. From line dancing on the pool deck to the 70's Dance Party...... I've had many occasions when people have asked me, "How much have you had to drink??" And everytime I say, "Nothing." Ha! Do I look that bad?! Meh, who cares. If music is on, you'll probably see me bobbing my head, and soon enough it probably won't be too long before I start to bust out in dance. I'll admit, I'm not the best dancer in the word, but I find it enjoyable. I get in my own little world and am as happy as can be.Today's thought of the day.....

Post Op

I had my post-op check today for my laparoscopy. All looks well and I checked out fine. I got to "ooh and ahh" at pictures from the procedure. It was nice to speak with the doctor and confirm that yes, the pain I've been feeling is truly endometriosis....I pointed where the pain was and he said, "Yes, that's the exact spot where it was located on your bladder." So, how am I feeling? Meh. Better than before, but I'll admit that I have moments or even days when the pain doesn't want to let up.

As I stated previously, there's no cure for this. But, I was able to talk to my doctor about treatment options. The main thing is that although birth control is no longer needed in our situation, staying on it helps to control the endo and limit the discomfort. Instead of taking a week off each month I'll stay on it constantly for 4 months, then take a week break, then back on for another 4 months. As with anything, there are side effects and it may not work, but it's worth a try. Another option is Lupron. The short explanation of how this would work: it'd put me into menopause. Given my mild symptoms this is currently not a treatment option I'd like to venture into. But it is available. And then, of course there's further laparascopy as a treatment. Basically, if I get very painful again, meaning there's further presence of endo, they'd go back in and do the procedure over, lasering endo and any adhesions. More than likely this will be something I'll have to do again in the future. I've met someone who's had 7 laparascopies. In addition to the treatments I have listed, there are other options. Through the help of others, I've found that many individuals use a combination of western and eastern medicine techniques to help their situations. As always, I'm open to my options and am willing to try different things.

So where am I at this moment? I will try to continue my life as I had previously done. I've also received clearance to run again (it's been about 2 months....yikes, I best ease into that again, eh?). Yes, I will have discomfort that I'll have to live with. If it gets worse I'll need to address it as necessary.

My big question....what will hit first next time.....kidney stones or the endo? Hmmmm. That's a concern of mine, how will I know which is which? According to my doctor the endo discomfort is more continuous and strengthening as time goes on, while the kidney stone would be more sudden. I know I'll be blessed in the future with both of these occurences. Only time will tell.

Rally Time

After 3 years in remission a close friend of ours was recently re-diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukemia. To make a long story short the past few months have been grueling for him, his wife, and their two children. Tomorrow will begin a new step in his treatment process. He will be admitted for further chemo in preparation for receiving his brother's bone marrow.

I can only imagine their fears and anxieties to the unknown. Having witnessed my extended family go through this a few years back with my Aunt Cindy and her diagnosis of Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, it can be a scary time. I remember checking her blog multiple times in the day to get any little update. Being on the outside I felt there was nothing I could really do. However, through that experience, I think many of us found that although we couldn't do much, we could do some....by sending positive thoughts, energy, prayer, or kind thoughts. Having her in Cleveland and being limited to visitors due to her immune system, her blog made this all possible. As a family we simply rallied around her and her family in hopes of pulling them through that tough time.

Starting this post I wasn't really sure what I was going to write, or why, but I had an urge to do so. I believe the reason I am writing has come to me while writing. I'm hoping that anyone who reads this will rally around the Pohorence family, as we did just a few years ago with our family....visit their blog, post, or just take a moment out of your day to send positive energy or prayer.

I've Got My Eye On You

No surprise, but Viking has taken an interest in the birdies. Thankfully he just likes to keep an eye on them. Although he's looking straight forward I know that he's using her peripheral vision to watch them....he does the same thing when we eat. We find it funny because he tends to not blink and his eyes slowly close.

Sinking In

This morning was my first "down" time since my surgery/diagnosis. I could blame it on hormones, but I think it's finally kicking in that yes, I may be dealing with this chronic pain, permanently, most likely, for the rest of my life. The past three months have sucked, but I continued looking for a diagnosis and an answer to my problem. Something that would make it all better and make the pain go away. Fortunately, I have a diagnosis. Unfortunately, there's nothing truly to fix the problem. It's basically a crap shoot of trying multiple approaches, hoping something works for you. Even if it gives some ease momentarily.

My active life has been put on hold. I can only hope that this is short term and that someday I'll be able to be back running daily. Right now I'd just like to be able to return to my OCD self and keep up with my cleaning, without thinking, "Am I over doing it?" I've had someone with me 24/7 and am thankful for all of the help. (Love you mom, dad, and david!)

I'm going to continue with hope that my discomfort may ease as my incisions ease, however, that's not where most of my discomfort is coming from. The discomfort is coming from the same area where it was coming from pre-surgically. Since I've never been through this I didn't/don't know what to expect. Day-to-day I'm going blindly, based on my own personal research, grasping at any knowledge I can find.

I know this is a "down" day and acknowledge it. Some things will get better. But right now I'm still letting things sink in and wondering about all of the unknowns.

Birdies

In the midst of craziness of work, vacation, and my surgery it's been kind of brushed under the rug about a couple new additions to our household. Yes, we have added to our bunch. This time, birds. Long story short, David wanted a bird. We got not 1, but 2, parakeets. Cute little birdies. It's taken some time for them to get used to us, but we're on our way to having a good time. Without further ado, I introduce my girl (we think) "Tchoupitoulas" AKA "Tchoupi" and David's little guy "Chango."

Answer

On Tuesday I had my laparoscopy. Finally, I have an answer to my current discomfort. Endometriosis. I’m thankful to finally have a diagnosis. 2 spots were found during the laparoscopy and they were lasered off. My incisions are small, one in my belly button, one above my pubic bone. With that being said I’m a bit sore and thankful for the medications and sleep. I’m not exactly sure what the next step is in the process. I have already found an abundance of information on the Internet and surprisingly I was linked up with someone through a Twitter post. I do know that I have an appointment in 2 weeks with the doctor and hope to get a game plan together. There is no cure for endometriosis, as with kidney stones. The average age of endo diagnosis is 27 years and most have the disease approximately 9 years before diagnosis.

I never imagined at the age of 26 I’d have these medical problems. Add onto that the medical problems David has...whew, what a whirlwind. However, I am once again thankful for what we do have and many of the decisions we’ve made. For instance, my becoming a vegetarian. After these problems reared their ugly head, I looked at my entire life/lifestyle thinking, “Am I doing something wrong?” With the kidney stones, yes some of my supplements can encourage formation, which I have now changed. However, when it comes to diet/exercise, I’m doing things right. And when it comes to endo, some meats may encourage the severity. I’m not here promoting vegetarianism to prevent problems, but I do know my diet should not cause further problems. Next, David’s and my decision not to have children. We’ve had a strong conviction for awhile that parenthood wasn’t for us. Endometriosis doesn’t mean infertility, however there is a pretty good chance that this could occur. Having already made the choice on our own that we do not want to have children gave me peace of mind. So instead of that choice being taken away from us due to my diagnosis, we had already made the choice on our own. Of course, I do wish things happened in a different order and that David didn’t have to go through a vasectomy, but you can’t change the past.

As with everything, the future is unknown and we’ll take it one step at a time.

Compromise

We all know quite well that I've been sucking at the running motivation stuff lately. We also know that running while in pain hasn't helped either. So, this is the deal....at least for the moment. I have stopped running. Yep. I'm pushing myself to run when oftentimes I don't really want to. On top of that I hurt pretty bad throughout the entire run and afterwords. Not to mention, I don't know how safe it is given that I have no idea what's going on in my body.Not cool. This isn't a permanent thing and I'll be honest, I'm going to dread restarting to run....not the concept, but the actuality of it. I've taken a week off before and needless to say my running suffers severely. Yes, in just a weeks time. Ah well. But, this is the rest of my plan...instead of running I'm going to walk. I'll hopefully be able to keep some athleticism and fitness but have less impact and discomfort. I'm hoping to stick to my plan....if anything I'd go back to running before I quit everything all together.

No Answers....Yet

My day in a nutshell....woke up after sleeping about 1/2 hour, went to work, called doctor for IVP results, left message, nurse called back, IVP results were negative, left work, went to ER, in ER all day having tests performed, LOTS of waiting, ruled out more options, doctor wanted to send me home without definitive diagnosis and for me to "call the doctor Tuesday," I said no and wanted something further done, that I've been patient enough for 2 months, I've gone through 4 doctors searching for a diagnosis, requested transfer or anything that can help the situation, gynecological doctor on call came down, actually listened to my history, gave me options, going with a laparoscopy on the 29th, basically an exploratory surgery using scopes through my belly button. Will still have to wait for answers, but that's due to pre-certification, etc. I've waited this long, I know I can be patient a bit more. Just thankful to have someone once again listening and being proactive. I have a gameplan and something to work towards.

Next Time On Medical Mysteries....

It's 3:26am and I'm up, fully awake. If I didn't feel like shit I could easily go for a run....but of course, that's not an option. I've been tossing and turning in bed since 2:48am and figured I better leave David and Viking alone so that I don't ruin their sleep too. As everyone knows quite well, I've been dealing with abdominal pain for the past 2 months. After basically demanding an appointment (a month ago), my appointment arrived on Wednesday. I felt that my urologist heard what I had to say. I was not bitchy but made it known that I've gotten lost in the shuffle and something needs to be done for me, and soon. I learned a lot at my appointment. For instance, the stones that are present were present on my original ct scan in March. In addition, those stones are located in my kidneys....stones in kidneys don't make you hurt. Oh, and the pain with kidney stones....that's not from them moving (like I was told by the office), it's from them obstructing or partially obstructing flow. My most recent ct scan revealed I still had kidney stones, but nothing in my ureter that should be causing this pain. Keep in mind, the stone that was obstructing last time was considered punctate. It had caused enough irritation to cause inflammation and obstruct.

So, where are we at right now? My doctor wasn't too happy about me falling through the cracks and acknowledged that. He's not 100% sure that this is stone related. There are subtle signs that point away from this being stone related. I had an IVP performed yesterday in hopes of determining if kidney stones are the problem. (The IVP prep was basically what you'd do for a colonscopy....yeah, shitting water for hours straight, not fun). In my opinion I have a 50/50 chance of this being the case. There are approximately 5 other options, including appendicitis. I'm supposed to find out the IVP results today (Friday). After that our gameplan will be made.

I do know this, I'm ready to be fully diagnosed and treated. I'd appreciate it if this could be done before we end up in the poor house and before I go crazy. I'm thankful to have insurance, but when I'm constantly receiving bills for my issues, and attempting to pay them off, I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. I'm also ready to be "me" again. I haven't had a full night's sleep in about 2 months. I wake up cramped in the fetal position every few hours. It's hard to work oftentimes because my mind is not focused. Not to mention, the lack of sleep doesn't help. Running has basically been out of the question. And the nausea. Gah! I have yet to vomit, but that's not saying much. I have a pretty strong stomach, but let me tell you, that vomit is right up in my throat, just ready at any moment. The pain. Oh, the pain. It's constant. It's not necessarily "double over" pain consistently, but it's there and wants to be felt.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm here, fully awake at 4am, and it's about to put me over the edge. I'm trying to be patient, counting down the hours until I receive results from my test, but I must admit I don't know how much more of this I can stomach....literally.

Guess it's too late....Just as I was finishing this entry I made it to the bathroom in time to vomit. Guess my nausea with no vomiting streak is over......