I'll be honest. My running habits suck. I haven't run in about 2 months. Probably more. I've been trying to maintain some "athleticism" using the 'rents stationary bike (thanks mom and dad) several times a week. But you know that's nothing compared to a daily run. A couple years ago I ran through the winter months. I'd bundle up and go. Last year I chickened out and used the high school fitness center (thankful for an indoor option). I don't know what happened this year. Actual, I do know what happened. Endometriosis. I know it's not all the endometriosis....it's also mental. And somehow I just haven't had that mental drive to bust through the barriers I've unfortunately set for myself.
Running isn't what it used to be for me. I wish it was. At the same time I'm glad it's not. Such mixed feelings on the subject. I want to run. I want to run another half marathon. I don't know if I will, but I'm keeping my options open. I'd like to think if I had a "race" to train for it'd be fire under my butt to get out.
With all that being said....guess what?! I took a run outside today. I was about to get ready to head over to the 'rents to ride the bike and something in me said, "Go outside and run." I'll admit I took a second and said to myself, "Are you crazy? It's still cold outside." The the other half said, "Do it." At that moment I thought, "I better go before I talk myself out of it." And so I bundled myself up and took a run outside. I didn't go very far, but I did it. I didn't know how it'd be after taking such a long break from running. I thought I'd go back to square one. Well, it wasn't square one, but it was rough. Let's just say, lots of snot, lots of spit, and the challenge of fighting back the thoughts of "Why the hell am I doing this," or "Just stop running," and replacing them with, "Yes! I'm actually running! I'm so proud of myself."
As said before, my running has not only been limited by my mental thoughts, but also physically. My guess is I'm not out of my running funk. Who knows, it may be another 2 months before my next run.....depending on my mental strength and endometriosis flare ups. But today, in this moment, I'm going to take this run as a personal triumph, as I say, "Take that Endo!"