Just Thinking

Do you have thoughts or dreams and just ask yourself "why?"? Man, I've been having something riding on me for the past few months and I finally brought it to David today. This is going to be a difficult thought to post. Not that it's hard emotionally, but hard to put into a logical sense and make into words.

From a previous post back last June you all know that David's friend from high school, Phil, committed suicide. This is something that has stuck with me since it happened. It's something you would kind of expect because it's such a big deal and hard to swallow. But it's something that I would think wouldn't occupy so much of my thoughts, as I have so many other ideas/tasks going on all the time. Of course, many of you know that my mind is constantly moving and it's no surprise that I have tons of dreams and have a good memory of most of them. But I find myself thinking about it usually at least a few times a week and having dreams about at least once a month. Another previous post discusses one of my dreams that I've had about him. And not all of my dreams are serious dreams. They can be back in high school just having a conversation as though nothing has happened.

However, it's just weird to me. I'm not speaking about it actually happening, it's the after thoughts that I have that I find weird. This guy and I weren't friends and our only common bond was David. It's something that I cannot understand. The thoughts I can kind of understand because you go through your day and have reminders....going past the cemetary, or his mom's house, running into his sister, or even hearing about soldiers in Iraq.

In talking with David he understands where I'm coming from and has some of the same thoughts, so that gives me comfort. I guess the thing that I need to remind myself is not to ask the question of why these thoughts/dreams enter my mind but just know that for some reason Phil's just coming to visit me through my dreams, even just to say "hi!"....